I’ve mentioned previously that my company purchased a motorcoach company a year or so ago. Upon so doing I remembered the management adage to avoid asking anyone to do something that you don’t know how to do or wouldn’t do yourself. So with that in mind, I decided that the least that I could do was to actually learn how to drive a bus. I thought that it would be a great way to determine where “the rubber meets the road” in our business (sorry, I couldn’t resist), and to develop an appreciation for the work that the all-important drivers in our company do.
I must admit that I also thought that it would be a piece of cake.
Step #1 – pass the written test. (How hard can this be?) I should have known that I’d waded in too deep when I was given a 200 page manual to study and the drivers who were standing nearby at the time smiled. They didn’t have much to say, but they did share a knowing grin and go on about their business. After a week or two with the book sitting on my desk, I started to get advice about the chapters that were most important to study (air brakes) and the tricky way that the questions were worded. I was grateful for this commentary because this made me think that perhaps I should pick up this tome and scan through.
After a couple of weeks of reviewing the book while watching Sports Center and as a sedative after sleepless midnights I felt confident enough to go and schedule my written test. Little did I know that they would let me take it right then. Of course, I had allocated one hour in my day for this excursion to the DMV, but the 4 part test I had to take took 2. Good news and bad news here: The good news was that I passed 3 of 4 parts, including the section on air brakes. The bad news was that I had failed the section on passengers – pretty basic. Even worse, people at the office knew that I had gone to take the test, so I had to go back and tell them that I had failed.
Ok, so this is not going to be so easy.
Of course, now I was sufficiently embarrassed that I couldn’t quit. So back to the DMV I go the next week and pass the elusive passenger section of the written test. Now I can go back to the office with a smile on my face.
When I returned to the office this time, our safety director, Nancy Mathis, took one look at me and said – “Ok, so now we’ve got to get you some help!” I asked for a couple of weeks off for the holiday’s and for good behavior, which she agreed to – thankfully.
Step #2 – learn to drive the bus. (How hard can this be?) Back from my reprieve, I was greeted at the front door of our office by a former Marine and current state patrol officer who once played lead guitar and drove the tour bus for Loretta Lynn. David Thornhill now works with us as our driver instructor and was dressed in a crisp blue uniform, complete with corfram shoes and mirrored sun glasses. As the knot grew in my stomach and I began to have flashbacks of my days in military school, I stuck out my hand and gave him my million-dollar smile – I am the boss after all – as I boarded the bus. That smile didn’t get me very far, as when I attempted to move past the drivers cockpit, I was ordered to take a seat. 30 minutes later, after a careful explanation of each switch, knob and button within arms’ reach, I was ordered to dismount. (Dismount!? –are you kidding me?) From there, on this cold winter day, we took a leisurely stroll around the bus with a billy club, a screwdriver and a grease rag. For 45 minutes we evaluated tire tread depth, fuel tank security, belts, hoses, lug nuts, bumpers, oil levels, latches and fuses. (What the heck is a fuse doing on a bus?) Then we entered the bus and considered more latches, fire suppression systems, and windows; and inspected the lavatory until we were satisfied that the odor would not be exceedingly offensive to passengers and were certain that, should we hit a bump along the way, the door would not fly open for all to observe as Aunt Sally took the opportunity to micturate.
Then, and only then, was I invited to turn on the bus. That wasn’t too hard, except that there’s this thing called an “air brake leak down test.” After a few tries I got it straight, and next up was a lesson in turning corners. It took me a while to get the hang of it, but following a few laps around the parking lot I was deemed competent to take the vehicle on the street – Yikes! – in traffic and everything. With my coach over my shoulder we took the bus for a spin and by the end of it I actually had a smile on my face. When we returned to the office, I was again asked to dismount, a hand was extended and I was dismissed for the day. Whewww! Now I could get back to easier things like accounting, sales strategy and contract negotiations.
Step # 3 – pre-trip inspection. (By now I was beginning to think that this may not be so easy.) Before I was permitted back on the bus, I was sent back to my handy 200 page manual and told to study the “pre-trip.” This must be done before the bus is moved on each trip and is the part of the licensing process that the evaluators focus most on (read: most enjoy failing applicants). Several days later I reported to the parking lot where the Seargent, ehhh Mr. Thornhill, greeted me with the gleaming shoes and sunglasses – and the billy club. He said, “Good morning Henry. Today we’re going to stay outside.” (Wait, wait – it’s winter, can’t we move this bus inside somewhere?) “How much time have you got?” There was the opening I needed – “Uhhh, I’ve got a meeting downtown at noon, so I have about 2 hours.” (Two hours, in the middle of winter, outside walking around this bus!?!?)
I thought that I was ready for him though – but I wasn’t. It seems that the Sports Center method of studying was failing me. Looks like I’m going to have to dust off some old study/memory techniques to get this down. Two or 3 remedial sessions later (OK, maybe 3 or 4), and some independent, 1-on-1 study time with the bus and the book and I was ready. I didn’t realize that Mr. Thornhill had been reporting my progress back to Nancy until she popped around the corner one day and told me that she had scheduled me to go take my road test. Here comes that knot in my stomach again…
Step #4 – road test. (I was clear that this was going to be tough!) I had two weeks to get my act together. Continue studying the pre-trip, learn the switches and buttons, practice driving… And watch the weather report! It’s a good thing that I did too. The day that I was scheduled to do my road test was forecast to be the coldest day of the winter. Determined to punk the driving test man and get this thing done, I went to Dick’s Sporting Goods the day before my test and loaded up on boots, foot and hand warmers, thermal underwear, sweaters, coats, hats, earmuffs, wool socks, turtlenecks, corduroys… I was determined to be warm!
That morning, dressed as the Michelin Man, I approached the bus like I owned it! I was thrown off momentarily when Nancy sent in a substitute coach to escort me for the day, but recovered nicely when Robert Merritt took me through a warm-up pre-trip prior to game time.
When we got to the DMV, the testing man looked me up and down, sniffed one time, picked up his thermal coffee mug and gestured his head for me to meet him outside. I willed the knot in my tummy to remain at bay and stepped off smartly. 40 minutes later, the DMV man wanted to get inside of the bus and I asked him if he wanted to know more. We had skipped an entire side of the bus, and I didn’t get to tell him about the fuses yet!
Next up was the air brake testing. Check. Then parallel parking the bus – three different ways. Check. Now let’s go for a spin. I can read street signs with the best of them, but I have to remember to stay to the left side of the lane – we don’t want the wheels to touch the outside lines. Another 45 minutes and he asks me to dismount the vehicle. (What is it with the equestrian terminology?) We dismount and he turns to me, extends his hand and says Congratulations! I look him up and down, sniff one time, gesture with my head for Robert to meet me inside and step off smartly.
It was a pretty proud day for the kid. And I had accomplished my goal. I learned a lot about the significance of the work that our drivers do. They serve and protect our customers by keeping their safety in mind on the way to and from their destinations – and the work starts well before they even start the vehicle to begin the trip. They also preserve our assets and are the face of our company to our customers. Without our drivers, their training and expertise, we wouldn’t have a business for very long.
This leads me to fear the bus. A healthy fear and respect for the vehicle and its operator – there’s more than meets the eye going on when you see that good looking Gray Line of Tennessee bus moving down the road.
PS. – For some reason our operations team still won’t schedule me to drive. I’m not sure why.