One of the most profound experiences of my life came when I was a college student and found myself in a bit of trouble. My dad was summonsed from a west coast engagement to Atlanta, where he met me in a prominent attorney’s offices. After a couple of uncomfortable hours, I was told that I could go and the incident went away.
Outside on the sidewalk, I was instructed to quit my part-time job, told to get focused on my school work, and advised that I would pay for the attorney’s efforts. With that, my father turned and walked off – across an empty parking lot, where I could see the heat rising from the blacktop in Georgia afternoon sun, towards a destination that I could only presume was the Hartsfield airport. And he took this walk ALONE.
Despite the circumstances – and due to them, I was happy to see my father. And since he’d made the trip to town, I had hoped to spend time with him. Yet, once the discussions with the attorneys were completed, he didn’t want to go by campus or visit relatives before returning. He didn’t want to have lunch. He didn’t even want to hear my story. Watching my father take that walk across that downtown parking lot was painful!
It hurt more than anything that he might have said or done.
I felt as though he had protected me and abandoned me at the same time. In his walk across that parking lot I sensed the pain that I had caused him. And he made it clear that it was a pain that he had to face alone.
Yet, I too was alone! Alone – standing on the sidewalk. Alone – wondering what to do next. Alone – wondering how I wound up – ALONE.
This week I watched a young woman walking across a parking lot at the airport and this memory came to mind. We all do it though, right? Fairly frequently we find ourselves taking a lonely walk across a parking lot.
This is in contrast to the persona’s that we all have. Confident, conservative, reliable, well-organized, life of the party, super-smart, charismatic, pretty, leader, well dressed… Charecteristics such as these define us in the eyes of our friends, families and co-workers. But what does that mean?
Since, from time to time, we all have to take a walk across a parking lot, I’m not certain that these descriptors adequately define us, or mean that much. When we are taking that walk alone our personas, our images, even our well cultivated personal brands are gone. All that is left is who we really are.
Are we really the person whom we portray or whom others think they see? What do we really want out of life?; out of our relationships? Are we happy or at peace when we are alone? Are we working in a job that brings joy, satisfaction and matches closely with our gifts? How close is our persona to who we are when we are alone?
I think that these questions are pretty important. The world, our careers, daily lives and the expectations of others can separate us from our gifts. Financial, parental, educational and professional conflicts we face highlight the distinction between what we really care about and what we believe we are expected to do. However, research conducted by Arthur F. Miller and documented in his book “The Power of Uniqueness” (© Zondervan, 1999), suggests that we have all been created with innate gifts and that living in them will likely lead to more spiritual, professional and civic success – and to a greater degree of happiness.
It only makes sense. If who we really are matches closely with who people think we are, then day to day living and working requires a little less effort. If the tasks and projects that we accept match closely with our gifts then we will perform them more pleasure, ease and excellence.
Since that day in the mid 1980’s, of course, I’ve spent lots of time alone. My professional and family life include interaction with lots of people day-in and day-out, so there is no doubt that I have a periodic need for quiet “introvert time” – time alone. Time alone to solve a problem or face a challenge. Alone to pray for guidance. Alone at dinner or at the movies. Alone traveling to or working in a strange city. Alone to study or workout. Alone to get focused or to be certain that I’m on the right track. Sometimes being alone is rejuvenating or restful. If I’m honest about it though, sometimes being alone is boring or uncomfortable, and even painful too. But we all have to face being alone.
As she spoke on her cell phone, the woman whom I watched walk across the parking lot this week had her head held high, a purpose in her gait and a genuine summer smile on her face. I was struck by the contrast. I found her demeanor to be unusual for a mid-week business trip, but her attire too formal for a vacation destination. As she approached the airport, I could only imagine what the nature of her destination was and about the types of experiences she would have on her journey.
My unasked questions made me smile as I took my own walk across that parking lot – ALONE.
p.s. – My dad called me after reading this post to remind me that I was never alone that day in Atlanta, and that’s why he made the trip. Thanks Daddy! I also recall that, due to a simple act of kindness, this was the day that an acquaintence became a brother. That ride to the bus station meant an awful lot. Thanks David!