I was in the barber shop last week and picked up the July issue of Black Enterprise while I waited. I looked forward to learning about the latest in black business and entrepreneurship. As usual, I paused to get some context for the issue by scanning the letters from the publisher and president.

I didn’t make it any further.

The letters that Earl Graves Sr. and Butch Graves wrote were moving, heart-felt, sincere, stirring, intense and personal love letters to their wife and mother. Barbara Graves passed in May of this year, and while I’d paused to say a short prayer for her and her family when I learned of her death, it was now clear that I hadn’t stopped long enough!

I’d met Mrs. Graves on a couple of occasions, and spent time with others in her family several times over the years, but it’s not likely that any of those moments were memorable enough to permit any of the Graves clan to pick me out of a lineup. Nevertheless, I could envision, as though I was there, the proud, manicured, public personas of the writers withering; and the dripping tears on the written pages causing the ink from their Mont Blanc fountain pens to smear as if finishing the cry.

These letters shone a bright light on the fact that Barbara Graves was the heart of her family and, for those of us who didn’t know, or who hadn’t stopped to consider it, she was also, as Mr. Graves Sr. put it, “the secret weapon” for Black Enterprise. Mrs. Graves was the power behind the throne.

Let’s not forget that when Mr. Graves began B.E. in 1970, his effort was risky and ground-breaking. Black Enterprise was born out of a vision – a capitalistic concept to be sure, but also a vision for the uplift and empowerment of a people. That made it a bold and grand ideal that was bigger and far more treacherous than any of the ideas that most entrepreneurs will ever attempt. And Mr. Graves makes it clear that he never could have done it without her – he couldn’t have done it alone.

Neither can you. Neither can I.

So, as I sat in the barber’s chair, my mind was diverted to consider the people who encourage me to dream bigger dreams; and to those who remind me that I do what I do for the good of my family, but even more importantly for the uplift of others. At the top of that list of people must be my own bride, Crystal, who while often silent, is paying more attention than I think and is usually more than prepared to offer considered advice or constructive criticism just when I need it most – and whether or not I like what she has to say. On the conservative side by nature, she is nevertheless quick to double down and make the bet that I’ll make the right decisions when circumstances are their toughest.

And there are just a few others –friends, family and partners – who make it clear that they are in the entrepreneurial fight with me. This kind of support comes in many forms. These people make referrals, work late hours, don’t let balls drop, buy the first round of drinks, encourage me not to quit when the fight is just, or just call to check in from time to time – all intended to let me know that they are doing more than watching from the cheap seats.

Some stay in the picture for a season and others for a lifetime, but what a gift these people are. Entrepreneurship is hard work. #DBTE can be exhausting! There are days when you get lost or are tempted to seek an easier path. But these folks will have none of it. They know who you really are, they know what you are called to do, and they even own a piece of your vision. For them, as it is for you, failure is not an option.

Who are those people who are shoulder-to-shoulder with you on your entrepreneurial journey?

Achieving your dreams is not easy, and you are uniquely qualified to make them come true, but no one can overcome successive obstacles and find enduring and impactful success alone. If you don’t have a “secret weapon” then find one. If you do, then hang on to it, protect it, and find a way to express your appreciation.

In fact, the next time you find yourself on the couch at the salon or in the waiting area of the tonsorial parlor and pick up a magazine – pause for a moment or two and say a prayer for Mrs. Graves and the Graves family… and send one up in thanks for the people in your life who really are the power behind the throne.

Don’t Play

Undoubtedly, getting started on the path to entrepreneurship is the toughest part. This period is filled with big ideas and uncertainty… stumbled beginnings and low bank accounts… long hours and intermittent sales… For some, this period can also be marked by lots of saying that you want to pursue your dream but not actually doing much, or, worse, by asking others to do the work!

As someone who’s been there, let me assure you that for your friends, colleagues, classmates and prospective partners – THIS is exasperating! So, on their behalf let me give you a word that they may be hesitant to share: Don’t play!

This can be a tough pill to swallow. But, if you believe that you are called to pursue a dream, vision or idea, yet you are only moving tentatively in that direction then it’s a word that you need to hear. If, when you look inside yourself, you determine that you aren’t yet serious, can’t be serious or won’t be serious, then quit pontificating with and irritating others with your lack of follow through. However, if you’re really sure that you’re serious then: Don’t play!

Let me give you an example or two that might help make the point.

Several years ago, when I was just beginning to consider buying a business, I shared my ambitions with a friend, Fred, who was already a private equity entrepreneur. I admired his success and he encouraged me to take the leap.

On more than one occasion he was good enough to share a deal with me. On one occasion in particular he emailed over a descriptive memorandum and financial statements on a company for my review. A couple of days went by before he called to check in, and he called again the following day as well. Yet still, it took me a few days more to call him back. Family obligations and my full time day job kept me fully occupied that week.

I recall being in a fairly up-beat mood when I did make the return call to my friend over the weekend, but by the time we connected he was in no mood for idle chatter. Fred wasted no time in making his displeasure with my unavailability clear.

I believe that the conversation went something like, “Hey man, are you serious about this? Look dude, this is how I feed my family – so Don’t Play!”

That one-sided chat caught me off guard, took me aback and hurt my feelings. And it also slowed me down. I gave my entrepreneurial interests a break for about a year after that – because Fred was right. I was wasting time –mine, his and others – because I was playing.

But I couldn’t hold my mule for too long. I suppose that I thought that I’d learned the lesson… So at the next lull in my gig I was back to looking for deal flow. It wasn’t long before I found some deals of interest and began spending Sunday afternoons doing industry research and building financial models to see if the numbers worked while watching Tiger play.

Accounting was never my strongest suit so, often, when building these models, I would run into a problem – some small issue that wouldn’t permit the balance sheet to balance (an important detail). Most frequently I found that the problem had to do with the formula for calculating goodwill. This concept and its relation to the other elements of the financial statements always seemed to elude me.

On a particular Spring Sunday my frustration got the better of me so I decided that I would call the best accountant I know, my buddy Rodney. I asked Rodney, who had remarkably caught an error on our accounting exam in graduate school and corrected the professor, if he would take a look at my model and help me figure out with the problem I was having with goodwill.

That may be a reasonable request among friends, but on this particular afternoon I guess my friend didn’t appreciate my interrupting his Tiger watching. He agreed to take a look at what I’d come up with, but he also had a single, direct question for me: “Isn’t buying companies something that you said YOU wanted to do!?”

Damn! There goes that feeling again!

I guess I hadn’t learned the lesson after all. It seems that I was still playing.

But my reaction was different this time. I told Rodney that he was right, turned off the TV and sat in front of the computer until I’d figured out the problem with goodwill for myself.

From there things picked up steam. I became much more focused in my conversations with mentors, much more disciplined about deal review and much more active in my networking. Said differently, I was much more intent on getting it done. I demonstrated more self-confidence, I worked harder… and the results followed… when I stopped playing.

Now I have the privilege of getting calls from friends and acquaintances who want to be entrepreneurs. I enjoy the breakfast meetings and the strategy calls. It’s a joy to see people moving in the direction of their dreams!

But… When we’ve had the same conversation three times, the phone calls become less productive, someone who says they want to be my partner is unreachable, or my downtime is interrupted with requests that I lend more than a helping hand, I am quick to remind them that… Entrepreneurship is how I feed my family – So Don’t Play!

(Actually, getting started as an entrepreneur isn’t the toughest part, but we’ll have to blog about that some other time.)

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Let it go!” Perhaps most often used in a personal context; when a friend pulls us to the side and counsels us to get over something or someone that offended us, a circumstance that rubs us the wrong way or a battle we’ve lost.

Maybe we’ve walked away from the situation but we’re off in the corner pouting, or we’ve called to complain, or we’ve surprised our friend by bringing up some should-have-been-forgotten incident that happened long ago. With emphasis, our friend says “Hey, just let it go!”

Whether using the same words or not, sometimes a professional friend has to deliver the same message. But letting go can be tough.

Successful people are often control freaks to one degree or another. Taking matters into our own hands is what made us successful; so we figure that doing it ourselves is what we need to do to sustain that success.

But guess what, that’s not always the case. In fact, countless articles have been written about entrepreneurs who hold on too long to the detriment of the companies they built, and still more about successful entrepreneurs who knew when to turn over the reins and watched their companies flourish under new leadership.

Of course, most of the time I write these blog posts as much for me as I do for you, so in this case I can use personal examples and maybe both of us can learn something.

When I was a student at Morehouse College one of the things that I enjoyed most was being president of the DC Metro Club. A civic and social organization comprised of students the Atlanta University Center from the Washington, DC area, we sponsored an annual pajama party and the infamous Freaknic each year to raise money. The fun part was that we gave the majority of our profits away every year to area charities.

In my senior year I also had the opportunity to serve as the College’s homecoming chairman. There were lots of activities to plan for the alumni and students and so, in order to focus on that I decided to take a leave of absence from my role with the DC Metro Club. The club’s vice president, Rodney McKenzie, agreed to step in and lead during that period.

There was just one problem. I continued to attend meetings, make suggestions and have opinions about the proper way to proceed. This went on for a few weeks until Rodney pulled me to the side and told me that I was either running the show or I wasn’t, but that I couldn’t do both.

Rodney was emphatic, and I got the message. In a manner of speaking, he’d told me to “Let it go!”

After his push I stepped away from the club entirely until after my homecoming duties were completed. When I came back I received a pleasant surprise: membership was up and we’d raised more money than ever!

Rodney and my friends in the club taught me a valuable lesson through that experience. My contribution to the group may have been unique, but it wasn’t what was most important. The team is what is required to make the magic happen and I was just a small part of it.

Rodney also taught me that there is usually more than one right way to do things. His management style couldn’t be more different than my own. Yet, even though I was the president, he still got results.

More recently, I’ve had regular conversations with a friend about her desires and efforts to grow her business. A more than competent professional, my friend conveys such subject matter expertise and proves to be so personable with prospective clients that they are compelled to trust her.

New projects come faster than she expects and small assignments become long-term relationships… But this creates a “high-class problem.” She has sold herself rather than her brand to her clients because she enjoys her work and wants to deliver for her clients directly. This, in turn, creates an overbooked schedule, periodic missed deadlines, occasional frustrations for clients and constant “dizziness” for the business owner. Of course, this chokes growth. Countless times I’ve counseled my friend, “you’ve got to Let It Go!”

The last time we spoke on this subject though, the mirror was unexpectedly turned toward me. As I was coaching, counseling and cajoling I realized how important it was that I take my own advice.

Four years ago I started a buyout firm. Three years ago we made our first investment. Since that time my partner and I have been focused on rebuilding, rebranding, recapitalizing, refinancing and reenergizing that company. Good for us maybe, but it’s time to Let It Go!

The plan has been developed, the team is working together to execute, the business is performing and growing, and my presence in the offices is as often a disruption as it is a great help. Just as important, the time that I spend there leading the leaders takes away from time that I can spend executing the broader strategy, pursuing additional investments, or enjoying my family or some personal time.

I’ve got a business to build and a life to live. It’s important that I reprioritize my activity to maximize results. So I’m taking this opportunity to remind myself, as Rodney did 20 years ago, to Let It Go!

Have you ever met someone who seemed to have superhuman abilities? I mean, someone who seemed to be able to accomplish the impossible without even trying? I’ve met several of these people and I marvel at their gifts nearly every time we are together.

• • One fried has the uncanny ability to match hundreds of names with phone numbers in his head. This guy doesn’t use Outlook or a little black book, but he can tell you what your phone number was 20 years ago even if you haven’t stayed in close touch.

• • Another brother has the ability to observe the world around him, gathering disparate information to create a homiletic parable that relates directly to the person or group that he is talking to – on the fly! – thereby making his point in a crystal clear and memorable manner.

• • One woman I know has a charisma that attracts all of the attention in the room towards her like a tractor beam – but subtly it happens. Not loud or offensive, but rather demure and curious, this woman gets the free drinks at the bar, the inside scoop at work, and the girlfriends to go shopping with – and no one ever knows what hit ‘em.

• • One more guy has the ability to ask 20 questions in the most benign of circumstances, coming away from any conversation he chooses with more information than the other person ever thought they’d share and convincing them in the process that he is more interested in them or their business than anyone ever has been before or ever will be in the future.

• •  One woman, whom I know quite well, is like a Pied Piper for children. They universally love, obey and follow her – hanging on every word, smiling while complying, learning something new while thinking it’s a game, and coming back for more year after year.

• •  I know a child who had hearing challenges as a baby; but who now has the ability to listen to a song a few times and go straight to the piano and play the melody and the chords just like you heard it on the radio.

• • And naturally, I can’t neglect to mention that a couple of guys I know have the uncanny ability to attract members of the opposite sex by the score without effort. I’ve seen these men have phone numbers pressed into their palms while walking through the mall, have grocery bills picked up when checking out at the Kroger, be followed home by a car full of women, and have dates interrupted when one woman tells another that she’ll pick up where the other one leaves off. These same men have never met a stranger – the friendships they forge with women AND men are resilient, sincere and long-term.

[If you think that I’m writing one of these stories about you, then I probably am!]

I realize that some of the examples that I have shared seem more trivial than others. But consider that, the powers that these folks have are NOT learned – they are innate! These are gifts that these people have been given. Yet I know that though seemingly effortless, using these gifts must require a lot of energy. (Where is their “fortress of solitude?” Where do they go to recharge?)

I also can’t help but wonder to what degree these friends recognize their super powers. Some certainly more than others. And I wonder, what would happen if they all purposed to use their power for good? Some do, some don’t – but each would be indomitable.

Each of us has special gifts, but not all are so blinding is their manifestation. These kinds of people are a marvel to behold. God gave each of them something special, obvious and powerful; and he gave each of us something unique too.

Encourage those whom you know with superhuman abilities to use their power for good. The impact that they can make on the world would be incredible.

What is your super power? Are you using it for good?

I am a fan of hip-hop music.

I know that I have reached an age where that may surprise some.  And many might assume that I’d prefer Tchaikovsky or straight jazz, but I can’t help it.

I was entering my teenage years just as R&B had reached its golden age and as disco died; and when rap music began to spread from Queens and the Bronx and capture the national interest.  While growing up in DC during that period meant that PA tapes of Rare Essence and the Junkyard Band were predominant in my tape deck, I also spent plenty of money at the record store buying Sugar Hill Gang and Fat Boys albums.  And countless hours in our unfinished basement trying to memorize “Rapper’s Delight” (the long version) yielded me a skill that I still break out on Karaoke nights occasionally.

High school years had me bouncing to “Roxanne Roxanne” and “Roxanne’s Revenge,” along with Run DMC and LL Cool J’s hard beats.  The highlight of college years was Doug E. Fresh (“the human beatbox, the entertainer… ”)!  But Whodini, Salt n Pepa and the Beastie Boys were also doing their thing.  And it’s simply not possible to forget “Planet Rock!”  That song morphed a genre – combining rap and techno – and I still think that it’s one of the best songs ever.

The late 80’s is when hip-hop matured.  Artists like Too Short, the 2 Live Crew, Erik B. & Rakim, Dana Dane, NWA, Ice T, Big Daddy Kane, M.C. Hammer, Slick Rick and De La Soul highlighted the diversity of rap music as they took over parties on campuses, and in backyards, basements and clubs from coast to coast.  My personal favorite in business school was DJ Quick! One of his tapes, along with some sweatpants and Timberlands are what got me through that first year.

And, of course, Public Enemy raised the consciousness of the nation with their militant lyrics when their song “Fight The Power” was featured in Spike Lee’s film, “Do The Right Thing.”  That was followed by John Singleton’s “Boyz In The Hood” and Mario van Peebles’ dark “New Jack City,” both of which featured hip-hop soundtracks that illustrated the pleasure and pain, decadence and destruction that is the cauldron from which all hip-hop emerges.

Certainly, this piece would lack any credibility at all if it didn’t mention Biggie and Tupac.  Not only are they both still alive (for you conspiracy theorists), but the debate about which is the best of all time will never be settled.

But the moment when rap became hip-hop, and when I knew that it was here to stay was in 1990.  That was the year that Janet Jackson released her Rhythm Nation album which featured a collaboration with Heavy D – “Alright.”  As I moved around the New York area and noticed response that people had to that song from the stoops in Harlem to the bodegas in Brooklyn and from the German cars in Short Hills to the pristine dorms of Ivy League schools it was unmistakable.  This was different.  It was hard enough to have street cred, yet light-hearted enough to appeal to the masses and even to crossover.  From that point on, hip-hop couldn’t be stopped.

50 Cent, Nas, Kanye, Eminem, Jay-Z, T.I., Lil’ Wayne and many others carry the torch forward.  The beats get us up.  The lyrics confront and challenge us.

Mostly though, the music we listen to, whether it’s classical, jazz, gospel, Go-Go, house or hip-hop, inspires us.  Our music inspires us to think, to reflect, to cheer, to love, to pray and to listen.  It also inspires us to dream and to execute.

And so it was recently when Usher’s new song, “Lemme See,” shuffled up on my iPod.  I turned up the volume and adjusted the bass as I sang along in my car that afternoon.  I must admit that I also winced when the explicit hook registered, but when Rick Ross’ “mmmmmmMaybach Music” signaled the beginning of his verse I tuned back in.  And then, as Usher rejoined the song I paused: “Don’t talk about it, be about it!  Lemme see, lemme see!”

There’s the inspiration!  It sounded a lot like Dream Big Then Execute to me.

The Dream is nice, but “don’t talk about it, be about it…”  The Execution is what really matters.  Get it done!  “Lemme see, lemme see!”

Yeah, I’m a hip-hop fan.  I can’t help it.

Don’t talk about it; be about it… and #DBTE!

(part 6 of 6)

Once you are asking the right questions, believe, commit and think with your leaders, there is only one thing left to do – Execute!

At the end of the day, it’s the results that matter.

Unfortunately, some believe and commit but struggle to think with the boss or just don’t have the skills required to get the job done; and for one of these reasons they are simply unable to execute. It’s easy to see non-believers go and to wave the uncommitted goodbye, but when those who believe and commit are holding the team back (even after you’ve invested in training and coaching) it is particularly disappointing.

Yet, the show must go on – and that leaves the rest of us to make it happen. There’s work to be done and not much more should stand in the way of moving forward.

There is a mission to pursue, a strategy to develop, a plan to move towards, tactics to complete, course corrections to make, and successes to evaluate and celebrate. There is a job to do. It’s urgent. It matters. It will make a difference – and you are a key part of the team that will make it happen.

You’ll make it look easy, accomplish the goal faster than you thought possible, have more fun than you expect and be better rewarded than you anticipated!

That’s what happens when leaders and team members focus on a worthwhile mission, believe in and commit to one another, combine their intellect so that the sum of their efforts is greater than the parts, and then execute.

And that’s how you can be down!

(part 5 of 6)

Equally important for getting ahead in your job, but probably least considered is that your boss needs you to think with her! She doesn’t need you to think for her or to think like her. She needs you to think with her.

Similarly, the last thing that your manager wants you to do is wait to be told what to do. That would, of course, suggest that you aren’t doing much thinking at all. You were hired to do a job. Your manager needs you to take some initiative, figure out what the next best step is and “get ‘er done” in the most excellent and cost-efficient manner possible.
Rather, in successful organizations, the whole must be greater than the sum of its parts – particularly when it comes to getting the most out of the intellectual capabilities of its leaders. Your boss needs you to believe and commit, but then he needs you to THINK – to bring forward ideas, to challenge the status quo… He needs you to reconsider the tactical plan to figure out how to achieve the vision faster… He needs you to figure out how to make your job and his life a little easier… He needs you to point out nuances that he missed… He needs you to offer a solution to a problem he doesn’t even know exists… He needs you to inspire him. Your boss needs you to get your head in the game and think with him!

Asking these kinds of questions or sending these types of emails will get you something much more valuable than an hour on her schedule. Bringing those kinds of ideas or solutions forward will get you the early morning brainstorming phone call; they’ll bring you the Saturday afternoon golf invitation. That kind of thinking will bring you respect! And with respect comes opportunity.

(part 4 of 6)

I characterized it as a small step, but commitment is a big word and a big deal.

Lots of people can believe, but they won’t commit.  These people have their own ideas about the way to achieve the vision, or career goals that are vastly different from the mission of the organization; and while they may understand, appreciate and support the company’s objectives, they don’t really wanna be down – at least not for long.

I actually think that this is Ok – as long as it is identified and planned for as early in the relationship as possible.  Even Martin King said, “I may not get there with you,” so everyone isn’t destined to make it to the proverbial promised land.

This group of believers may be role players with a job to do and a season in which to do it.  Some team members may have a system to implement, a process to improve or a division to turn-around and then they’re on their way to the next opportunity.  This can be great for the business because the task is complete.  But the commitment is missing.

For the rest of the team, commitment will make all the difference.  If you believe and then commit it will be noticeable.

You may not work harder, but you will work smarter and get more done. Going to the office and interacting with your co-workers will be more enjoyable.  You’ll find yourself setting goals, establishing metrics and holding yourself accountable to them – whether or not they have anything to do with your performance evaluation.  You’ll also find that work bleeds into your personal time (and vice versa) and you won’t mind too much – because, after all, it’s fun!  You’ll find that you are willing to make sacrifices to assure the best outcome for the company and its customers – and you’ll have a reasonable belief that your effort and commitment will be recognized and reciprocated.

This is what I call FLOW.  Work is fun when the work you are doing is challenging and significant, but also very much in line with your skills and professional interests.  Combine a good job fit with belief and commitment and you’ve got an endorphin-filled work life balance that many never find.

Commitment is a small step from believing, but it’s a big deal and is the only way to get into your flow.