Author: HB3

After reading The Ideal Team Player and the Five Dysfunctions of a Team, I decided to go back and re-read the original Lencioni text, The Five Temptations of a CEO.  Now much more experienced, a little more humble, but even more determined to succeed, I was now an actual CEO, so I hoped that I’d get more out of the book.

Yep!
While the other books that I’d read caused me to consider the challenges and opportunities that our business and my colleagues may have, this one caused me to scrutinize only one thing – me – the CEO.

As I read the compelling parable of Andrew, the CEO of a Bay Area IT company, and the lessons that he learned from the “ghosts of CEO’s past” on the BART train, I was challenged to contemplate the things preventing me from becoming a good, or better, CEO.

Lencioni starts from the premise that being CEO is not complicated.

That’s a tough place to start.  I’d guess that most would be committed to disagreeing with that idea.  The pressure to deliver results, a changing corporate environment, the diverse constituents who deserve attention… technology, human resources, marketing and strategy related issues all fly in the face of this notion.

Lencioni does acknowledge that being CEO is a formidable challenge but contends that all of these operating challenges are but symptoms of the real problem.  Rather, the author insinuates, CEO’s fail because of their unwillingness to face – and address – the Five Temptations of a CEO.
1.  CEO’s can be driven by ego.  Instead they should be overwhelmed with the desire to achieve something and maniacal about results.

2.   CEO’s want to be popular with staff or direct reports.  Instead they should be clear about what is expected of employees and hold them accountable.

3.    CEO’s often want to ensure they are making the right decisions.  It is better to decide with the information that you have and move forward.  This is easier to do if you have a vision for where you want to go. (More about that in a future post.)  CEO’s are challenged by this because it opens them up to being criticized.  Yet, it’s the only way to achieve clarity.  If you later get better data, you can always make another decision.

4.    CEO’s frequently have a desire for harmony, while encouraging constructive conflict leads to making better decisions, improved buy-in and better results.

5.    CEO’s don’t want to be vulnerable…  When risking being wrong, trusting your teammates to do their jobs and setting a direction with imperfect information being vulnerable may be the best way to achieve stellar results.
As I mentioned, when reading this book, I was taking stock of myself – my own strengths and weaknesses.
In this instance I determined that I was at greatest risk for temptation #2 (and writing this down is part of facing it.)  I like going to work, and I enjoy the people I work with.  I’d like to consider many of them to be friends.  This makes it harder to set clear expectations and even harder for me to be consistent in holding them accountable for performance.

If you have worked with me, or know me personally, you may have seen other temptations be more prominent.  The Five Temptations, like elements of personality, are situational.  Our strengths and weaknesses present in differing ways at various times.  Maturing in life, and as a CEO, requires recognizing these attributes when you see them, improving when you can and determining when and how to use them appropriately to maximum effect.

Rather than write about this one, I figured I’d tell you. Please check out my Ted Talk and let me know what you think.

One Nation Under a Groove Ted Talk I look forward to your comments.

Well before rediscovering Lencioni, in the latter part of 2017, it was becoming clear to me that our team’s culture had shifted, and that addressing it was important.  Actually, at that time, I didn’t know to call the issue that we were facing a culture challenge.  I just knew that things didn’t feel right, and I wasn’t sure why.

Fortunately, I had a restless feeling about the environment I was experiencing, and I was able to call my friend Alan Young.  A seasoned, skilled and successful entrepreneur, Alan stopped what he was doing with his family on an unseasonably warm winter Saturday afternoon.  For 10 minutes or so I just spilled the cloudy collection of thoughts, ideas and observations that were bouncing around in my head – in no orderly fashion.  After I talked and he listened (patiently), I may have still been confused… but Alan wasn’t.

In a contrasting 30 seconds Alan shared two pieces of counsel:  1) You’ve got to set clear expectations for your people, and 2) you’ve got to take the culture back.

Just that quickly, the clouds parted, and the sun shone through.  The  deranged and conflicting challenges that caused me concern began to organize themselves into opportunities I could take advantage of and problems that I could solve.

Off the bat there were things that I knew to do.  First, I needed to show my teammates that I cared and was paying attention to the things that were bothering them.

We needed an HR function in the company, to begin with.  So I hired Laura Purswell and her company, Compass HR Partners.  This way we could develop policy for vacations and holidays, and we could standardize our recruiting and hiring practices.  We also created an employee handbook to provide clarity around and define protections for the people who work at NMAAM.  (Each of these are the kinds of vital details that my team knows I’d rather not focus on.)

I also hired a personal trainer for the staff (That didn’t last long – like most new year’s resolutions.) and instituted a monthly “family meal” (That one stuck.) to encourage colleagues to laugh and talk with one another in a more relaxed environment.  Before getting to work on Lencioni’s leadership and teamwork principals, these steps began to redefine culture and set expectations for how we work together.

There were also many steps that I didn’t know how to take.  “Culture’ is a big word.  How does one create it, shape it or take it back?  I was, at least, certain that an employee handbook and a monthly luncheon wasn’t enough.

So, I went to Amazon and bought another book – one on culture and what it takes to become a “best place to work” as defined by any one of several business periodicals.  The most impactful of these books was one entitled “Culture is Everything.”  Written by Tristan White, the author is the CEO of the PhysioCo in Perth Australia which has been selected as the Best Place to Work in Australia on a few occasions.

An easy read, “Culture is Everything” tells the story of how White’s company achieved that status. In short, it comes down to creating and living out a set of core values.  And that idea emerges from the remarkably simple, but often forgotten, truism that employees can’t read the CEO’s mind.

Nothing like cold water to the face to wake you up!

Now fully alert, I had to give some thought to what our core values actually are.  And, importantly, I needed to get a sense from my teammates as to what they thought our core values were.  The good news is that the values already existed, we just had to look and find them, and then write them down.

Core values are not rules or policies that you have to follow.  Rather, they are descriptive of the culture.  What is it like to work here?  How do we treat one another?  What is expected of a new employee as they join?  Once agreed to, they become an important reminder of culture, and a screen for employee fit and preference.  If you are appropriately skilled and support the core values, there is a good chance that you will fit well in our company culture.

So that’s what we did.

Over the next several weeks I met with my teammates to talk about what we think makes our place of business special.  Everyone had different thoughts, and the  exercise generated some interesting conversations about what culture is, causing us all to think about what it really means to be a part of this team.  It was nevertheless gratifying to observe that most thoughts, though articulated differently, were similar to my own and fell into common categories.  After a few rapidly turned drafts we settled on six core values that guide our culture.

Over the last year, the words that make up the core values have begun to work their way into the lexicon of language around the office.  We refer to them in job interviews and performance evaluations and use them to inspire one another and to say “thank you.”

The core values are a part of our business now, but there is so much more to do.

Becoming a “best place to work” takes a lot more than core values.  Tristan White talks about the importance of strategic planning, efficient meetings, employee appreciation and other elements that are also important to shaping culture.  We’ve only taken baby steps in these areas and have a lot more work to do.  We are a work in process.

I felt enlightened and empowered after reading The Ideal Team Player, and so I started conversations with our human resources consultant, Laura Purswell, and with Beth Morrow, our organizational behavior coach, on the subject.  Both pointed me towards Lencioni’s preceding book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team. 

Of course, Amazon Prime is my friend, so a copy was on my desk the next morning.  But the reading would have to wait until the weekend.

This one was only a slightly slower read.  Mixed in with family time and social activities – and naps during football games – this book took me until sometime Sunday evening to finish.  And once again, I was not disappointed.

While The Ideal Team Player gave me insight into individual behaviors, The Five Dysfunctions helped me to understand better how those behaviors were impacting teamwork and the work environment.

As backdrop, over the last year NMAAM’s staff had doubled.  In so doing, the team had changed from a vertical one (where I had only one direct report) to a flatter one (where I had several).  Although still a small group, with far less than 20 employees, the team dynamic had changed materially.  The family feel that we’d enjoyed previously had become competitive, and the “all for one” spirit we’d enjoyed had pivoted towards more than occasional finger-pointing amongst colleagues.  And in the midst of it all, there I am as the CEO alternatively oblivious and baffled.

What I had noticed consistently was that people weren’t having as much fun and didn’t seem to be as committed to the work or the mission of the museum.  Work quality suffered and wasn’t as timely, and I was spending more time refereeing disagreements amongst grown people than I thought was appropriate.

Of course, all of this was coming about when we could least afford it.  Every passing day brings the museum opening closer, which means that every decision and deliverable is more important today than it was yesterday.

This situation needed to be fixed.  Things getting worse wasn’t an option, and things getting better would make everyone’s life easier, job enjoyment greater and project results better.  This is why my man Patrick had become my new best friend.

In The Five Dysfunctions, Lencioni highlights that the challenges with a team working together boils down to:

·       An absence of trust (invulnerability)

·       Fear of conflict (artificial harmony)

·       Lack of commitment (ambiguity)

·       Avoidance of accountability (low standards) and

·       Inattention to results (status and ego)

Once again, I saw my teammates and my work place in the parable that Lencioni used to highlight these detrimental characteristics.  In my teammates I was routinely seeing blame shifting and missed deadlines, rather than acknowledgement that a mistake was made or that someone was unsure how to complete the task.  I was experiencing a steady stream of frustrated folks in my office who had no issues with one another at all in management meetings.  I was even seeing standards lowered or goals changed in order to claim success rather than admit failure or a shortcoming.

When taken together this is a recipe for allowing the organization to miss its goals and to permit each individual to be confident that it was someone else’s fault.  Of course, when NMAAM fails to raise the needed funds or to open on time and within budget there is only one place that the board of directors will look for explanation and accountability – and none of my direct reports will be in that meeting.

Conversely, I knew that a high performing team could make the work easier and much more fun.  I knew that we could deliver a first-class product that would excite the nation.  And I was even confident that we could exceed our fundraising targets.

But getting there from here would not be simple, nor straightforward.  With that understanding and what I’d learned from The Ideal Team Player, I had enough information to get to work.  As I thought about next steps, to my surprise, it seemed that the first thing that I needed to do was to schedule a series of meetings.

A golf outing, a management retreat, increased frequency of one on one meetings with my direct reports, and a regular schedule of meetings with the team as a whole all needed to be calendared.  Common wisdom is that having too many meetings is the opposite of getting work done.  Of course, that can be the case, but meetings, or spending time together, is also the only way to build a high-performing team.  There simply is no substitute.  In our case, my objective was to build trust, dispense with artificial harmony by encouraging constructive conflict, and to begin to focus the group on results.

Additionally, I took a chapter out of the world of consumer-packaged goods and developed a comprehensive schedule of objectives and goals for the company and each of its departments (“OGSM’s” – objectives, goals, strategies, and measures).  The OGSM’s would address accountability and ambiguity, and all of this would be worked on in the wave of meetings that I’d scheduled.

There is much more that ca be said about the Five Dysfunctions of a Team and what it takes to overcome them but suffice it to say that the work is just beginning.  Further, my role as leader is as important as any of my colleagues.  Not only must I be consistent, but I have some habits of my own that need to be broken if I am to be effective in making the team more productive.

Lencioni points out that the leader must be vulnerable first, allow healthy conflicts to unfold without stepping in, be willing to make a wrong decision, encourage the team to hold one another accountable and set a tone for focusing on results.  In their own ways and words, my team has asked that I do some of the same things to be a better leader for them.

Let’s give it a shot.

Twenty years ago, in Washington’s National Airport, I stopped to buy a book – The Five Temptations of a CEO, written by Patrick Lencioni – when commuting to Charlotte, NC where I lived with my family.  It was a curious purchase.  A young executive at the time, I had more ambition than skill and more energy than experience.  Yet, I thought it was worth the $20 to get some insights into the challenges of being a CEO.

Twenty years later, when travelling from Los Angeles to Nashville, I needed something to read on the long trip home.  While in Hudson’s airport store, picking up my usual peanut M&M’s and Diet Coke, I noticed another book by Mr. Lencioni – the Ideal Team Player.

The title caught my interest because, now as an actual CEO with a little more experience and the battle scars to prove it, I was finding that as our team at the National Museum of African American Music grew, the concept of teamwork was becoming more important and more of a challenge.  So, Lencioni and I were reunited two decades later in another airport.  Once again, I was eager to learn – this time with context for the subject and a need to glean what I could for the benefit of our company.

As I boarded the flight, my expectation was that I would read a few pages and then put the book down in favor of an in-flight nap to pass the time.  Little did I know that The Ideal Team Player would render me fully alert.  By the time the plane landed in Las Vegas for a short layover, I’d read about 75 of the books 200 pages.

Lencioni was talking to me!  He must’ve been sitting in my team meetings because clearly this book had been written about my colleagues and me.  The picture was so clear that I knew what I needed to do: take notes and take action.  In short, Lencioni brought home for me that the ideal player on our little team would be humble, hungry and smart; and definitely not be a jackass.

From the book I was reminded that the most important of these virtues is Humility.  People who exhibit humility are quick to point out the contributions of others, to share credit, emphasize the team and to define success collectively.

Those who lack humility can be especially challenging to deal with when they are key performers on the team.  Their contribution is important, but likely not more important than the contributions of the rest of the team.

People who are Hungry are always looking for more – more to do, more responsibility or more to learn.  They don’t want to be perceived as slackers.

But this isn’t always good.  Work can become too consuming, or the hunger can become disruptive to the rest of the team.

Smart does not refer to the intellect or skill to do a job; rather, it refers to perceptiveness about the people around them or with whom they work.  Smart people, in this context, are very perceptive about group dynamics.The combination of all of these virtues makes for The Ideal Team Player.  A deficit in one or more of these virtues can cause a member of the team to be considered… a Jackass, and teamwork becomes more difficult.

I was observing each of these virtues in my teammates and noticed some deficiencies too.  So much so that I saw the Team Player model as one to adopt as I began to work on teamwork and productivity challenges within our business.Yet, this was just the beginning.  There was more reading, thinking, training and planning to do.

They killed that man… and I watched.

No bullets or knives.  That would’ve been too easy.

Instead, it was as though it happened in slow motion.  A nick and a scratch.  A body blow.  Some bobbing and weaving, feinting and head fakes.  Punches wide, wild and undisciplined.  Attacks hidden behind masks and investigations.

The Champ’s defense?  A little dancing… at first.  Some rope-a-dope.  A stumble or two.  A rally.  Test scores up.  ACT scores up.  Suspensions down.  Resources reallocated to the least among them.  Winning!

He thought he’d outlast ‘em.  The  cause was right.  The mission was just.

But Their legs had more in ‘em than he thought.  Just when They’d backed off and he’d caught his breath, They came back out for the next round – and kept swinging.  A roundhouse.  A jump-kick or three.  Oh, you didn’t know?  This is new school – MMA.

 

 

Then the crowd turned against the Champ.  From the front row to the cheap seats, the boos were deafening.

 

 

Worse than that, the corner team was perplexed.  The cuts were deep, and the blood was beginning to flow.  But they were talking amongst themselves.  The Champ said he was OK, after all.  Ice, bandages and Vaseline were slow to come.

Some said, “throw in the towel.”  Others, “keep fighting!”

In the end, They seemed to draw strength from the crowd.  What looked to be a haphazard fight plan, turned out to be Their strategy after all.  The bobbing and wild punches were all part of the plan.

The Champ didn’t even see the last flurry coming.

He went down.  Hurt.  Bloody, but… what?!  Unbowed.

No, They didn’t “hang him high and stretch him wide.”  Don’t want to create a deity. 

Still, They killed that man…

How can this be.  He’s the Champ!

…and I was in his corner.  What have I done?  What should I have done?

Scary.  Dizzying.  Frustrating.  Sad.  Frightening.

Who will They go after next?  Can They be stopped?  “There, but for the grace of God, go I?”

Thankfully, the ref stopped it all before it got worse – “Blew the whistle.”

This way, he can rise again.  He can live to fight another day.

“I ain’t mad a’ cha.”

Recently, I stopped into a McDonalds at the top of the day to have a Sausage McMuffin with Egg and Cheese, my favorite out-of-home breakfast.  As I was finishing up at the cash register a gentleman came up to me and asked if I would deposit some money on his McDonalds gift card.

Clearly inebriated, this gentleman, who later told me that his name was Scott, had been having a rough time and chosen to find solace that early morning in a bottle.  Nevertheless, I did as he asked and put some money on his card so that he could get something to eat.

He was most grateful and began a conversation during which he described many of his life’s challenges and the hopes and dreams that he has, even for attracting the attention of a woman.  At some point, he asked how he could get her to notice him and to know that he cared.
At about that time a woman standing nearby piped in and said, “just keep putting one foot in front of another, Scott.
Day after day, just keep putting one foot in front in front of another.”

I was, candidly, more focused on my sandwich than I was on Scott or what this woman said.  But Scott took note, and he began to tell a story of how he, at one point, drank much more heavily than he does now, and he wandered away.

Not five minutes later Scott came back to say thank you and to say how much of a blessing it was to get a meal that morning.  He went on further to say that he’d gotten a job.  Just in that abbreviated period of time, someone had offered him a job, which he was excited to take.  And once again, the woman standing nearby, on her way out of the restaurant said, “just keep putting one foot in front of the other, Scott.”

Scott startled me then when he stopped and offered a word of prayer – for his food, for his job and for forgiveness of his shortcomings.

It was quite amazing that morning to start off the day by giving a small gift to someone who’d fallen on hard times, and to have the privilege of saying a prayer with him.  But as I’ve thought about that experience in the ensuing days, it strikes me how powerful the advice was that he got from the woman standing nearby.  “Just to keep putting one foot in front of the other.”

All of us, from time to time, have difficult days, weeks,long nights, challenging work environments, tough situations at home, and even circumstances that we’re not exactly sure how to work our way out of.  “Drunk” with our own situations and challenges, it is in those moments that I think that we would do well to take the advice of a woman at McDonalds to a man who was down on his luck, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

One foot in front of the other that day brought Scott in from the curb to a McDonalds, where he got a hot meal and a cup of coffee.  And then one more foot in front of the other led him to a place where he got an unexpected job opportunity.  And then, yet one additional foot in front of the other provided me the opportunity to be blessed by his prayer.

So, placing one foot in front of the other can, indeed, take us a long way.  So, when we are faced with tough times, I’d encourage all of us to keep in mind the image of Scott, the drunken man at McDonalds who received some unexpected advice that resulted some unexpected blessings.  The advice that he received is the advice that we too can receive – just keep putting one foot in front of another.

Recently I was traveling with a colleague and we had an early flight to return home to Nashville, Tennessee.  We arrived at the airport in Los Angeles at some incredibly before sun-up early time of the morning and as soon as we passed through the TSA checkpoint, my partner said, “I need some coffee!”

Fortunately, as we rounded the corner we saw the familiar Starbucks green and white mermaid logo.  It was too early for a smile to come across her face, but her body turned in the direction of the store in the distance and
her pace picked up.  But before we could get too much further we encountered the end of a very long line.  It seems that my friend was not the only one in need of a caffeine jolt.

As she approached the line, she asked the woman standing near the tail, “Is this the end of the line?”  Her startled response was, “I don’t even know what this line is for.”  Nevertheless, my friend got in line and I wandered off towards the gate to wait for the flight.

As I walked on, it struck me that the woman we’d spoken too was standing in a very long line and had no idea
why, or what the benefit or standing there would be!

This was incredible to me.  But as I considered it further, I wondered how often this might be the case.  How often do we figuratively stand in a line to get something without really knowing what it is, or without even being certain that it’s something we want or need?

Is there something genetically or psychologically inbred in us that makes us attracted to a line?  This long and winding implement of our civility takes us places and often delivers us to something that we want to consume or experience.  Is there an irresistible allure to the concept of waiting in line?

Or, is the value the value of that product or experience we want worth the investment of standing in the line?  Is it that important to us, really?  Could we get what we want at a “lower price” if we arrived at a different time?

And, do we even know why we are standing in the line in the first place?

Are we pursuing someone else’s dream, or our own?  Are we waiting for someone to leave a job so that we can get a promotion? and do we want it anyway?  Do we really want that coffee? or are we just in the habit of stopping by Starbucks on the way to the office.  Do we keep going in to that corporate gig, knowing that our vision and calling is for an entrepreneurial venture?  Do we say yes to working on a project or joining a board just because we were asked, when we know it’s not a great fit?

Are we standing in a lengthy line without a clue where it’s going or what the benefit is?  The woman we met at the airport certainly was.

Periodically, I tell folks I’m with that I don’t stand in lines.  I’m not even half joking.

If I only learned one thing in my first semester at Morehouse College, it was that there is marginal value in
waiting in a protracted line.  After several hours in the hot Georgia sun, the computers went down and several of
the classes that I wanted were already full.  Despite standing in a very long line, I had to go back to the registrar’s office later in the week to complete my registration for classes.  Never again!

From that experience, I learned that I could find other ways to get the classes that I needed to graduate on time – including the class times and professors that I preferred.  Finding another route to go made me more thoughtful and determined and strategic about what I was trying to accomplish.  It made me better.

So why not find your own path, and go your own way?  Design your own destiny.  Dream Big, Then Execute – with
intention, and purpose and focus.

Too many of your friends and family just get into the nearest line they see.  That’s not where your dreams are… follow them at your peril.

Your ambitions are on a road less traveled.  The road may be harder, but you can bet the lines are shorter too.

And if you do that, I’ll tell you what; call me.  I’ll join you for coffee in the morning.

July 2016
Today I witnessed an attempted murder.

A day following the brutal vehicular slaughter of more than 80 in Nice, France, I found myself in a courtroom listening to an attorney twist facts, elaborate on irrelevant information, speculate on intent and assault character in what defending counsel called “appalling provocational vindictiveness.”

It was an effort to kill one of my boys.

Fortunately, following the expenditure of a lot of time, money and pain, things worked out about as well as they could have. My friend had the resources, tenacity, talent and support to fight back and minimize what could have been a fatal attack.

July 2013
Dr. Aaron Parker preached a sermon entitled “Kill the Boys.” Following the killing of Trayvon Martin in Florida, Black America was in a fog. Anger, defiance, confusion and fear were the words of the hour.

Like so many on this steamy Sunday morning, Dr. Parker approached the sacred desk that day to bring a word of challenge and clarity from the Lord. Coming out of Exodus 1, Dr. Parker reminded the gathered that this was not the first time history had recorded an assault on the boys.

“Then Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, gave this order to the Hebrew midwives… When you help the Hebrew women give birth, watch as they deliver. If the baby is a boy, kill him…” Exodus 1:15

While the murder of black men is nothing new in America – we are reminded of the brutality of the middle passage, and slavery and the Jim Crow eras of course; the assassination of Malcom and Martin; the public beating of Rodney King (which mirrored the experience of many fellow gen’Xers); and then Trayvon’s death brought new light to many similar cases that have occurred in the contemporary period – Philando Castile, Alton Sterling, Michael Brown, Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Walter Scott, Freddie Gray…

So, in that context, Dr. Parker’s “Kill the Boys” asks an important question: Just how should we respond to the slaughtering of our sons?

As any good Baptist preacher would, he has three recommendations:

1. Save as many as you can.

In Exodus 1 and 2 we read that the king feared the strength of the Israelites. He made them slaves and worked them hard, but the Israelites kept growing in strength and numbers. So then, the king gave an order to “kill the boys” – at least twice. But the womenfolk disobeyed the king and saved as many as they could.

2. Bring some pressure.

In Exodus 3, 4 and 5, Moses and the elders are sent to see the king and, through the next several chapters, they partner with God to bring some serious pressure. This is not a short exercise and it is not without sacrifice. The slaves are made to work even harder and under even worse conditions. Nevertheless, the pressure was effective. Many of the Egyptians began to see their sin and joined in the movement. They too began to bring pressure on the king.

But that wasn’t enough. We are also instructed to…

3. Proceed in faith.

As a final means of bringing pressure, in Exodus 12, God determined to get the attention of the king by killing some Egyptian boys if necessary.

With that in mind, God told the Israelites to adopt a new tradition. While enduring yet another threat to kill the boys, this was a scary time for them; and Moses’ request seemed a little strange – so this required a leap of faith. God, through Moses, gave some very specific instructions for killing, cooking and eating a lamb, placing blood on the door frame and keeping their families safe. The Israelites did as instructed, their boys were spared and their community was released from bondage.

Something else interesting happened as the Israelites were packing to leave Egypt. Now that cocaine and heroin addiction was killing some Eqyptians, it became a health crisis. Now that sentencing guidelines were hobbling Egyptian families, prison reform was on the legislative agenda. And, the Israelites observed that if they kept the pressure up and proceeded in faith, when mental health issues and gun violence begins impacting Egyptian neighborhoods more frequently, some attention will be paid to those issues too.

Note however that killing the boys wasn’t just about killing the boys – it was about killing the nation. Similarly then, saving boys isn’t just about saving the boys – it also is about saving the nation.

July 2016
As I sit in the courtroom, my own first born son is at a writing camp across the country. Later that afternoon, while in an Uber on the way to the airport, I received a text message from him. Henry IV had written and performed a poem today entitled “Because a Black Man Died Today.”

…You force-fed us your religion, now you kill us in our churches.
You kept us from reading, now brand us uneducated.
You kill our daddies, and call us “fatherless…”

I am dead,
or I will be.

I am becoming desensitized.
Do you slaughter us in the streets
and put the blame on us,
so that we will turn in against each other?
So that we will stop caring?…

It seems that my teenage son is, a few thousand miles away, wrestling with this edict to “kill the boys.”

Today I witnessed an attempted murder. I saw it for myself! An order was given to “kill the boys.”

Fortunately, things worked out about as well as they could have. You see, the womenfolk stepped in. Her Honor disobeyed the king’s command. She is among the number determined to save as many as she can.

I really like the TV show “Blue Bloods.”  It stars Tom Selleck, one of the Whalberg brothers and some other folks who have great screen presence.  It’s also fast moving and thoughtful at the same time, and because most of the family members are in law enforcement, they do “business” together.  Because of that, the theme of each show usually deals with some element of a family dynamic.

In fact, in every episode there is a scene where the family has a meal together. During these meals, as most meals do, the conversation starts out lightly and without an agenda; but before long the subject turns to something more
serious, and most often to a challenge that several family members are encountering personally or professionally.
Maybe not at that meal, but at some point during the show that issue is resolved.
Now, I understand that it’s show business, but there is something to this.

Even without a planned agenda, conversation builds relationships.  People get to know one another, have an
understanding of one another, or have a feel for what is challenging
someone.  If there is a problem, they may
even be able to brainstorm a bit when they are not rushed to be someplace else,
or be willing to take the time in a quiet moment to help a colleague, or family member, out.  Minimally, you can relax,
laugh and put your work aside while enjoying good company.
My theory is that “the family that eats together works better together.”  (OK, that’s a little corny, but you get my point.)    Eating meals together can be a good way to improve communications.